


Jolt

by MrFather



Category: Naruto
Genre: ........I think I overdid it with the tags, A Different Adult, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, But he is TRYING DAMMIT, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Child Soldiers, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Manipulation, Hatake Kakashi Is Trying, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, He is failing, Help I don't know what I am doing, Itachi will provide those hugs, Looks to his right sees Danzo, Manipulation in General, Miss Momo is a BAMF, Naruto needs an adult, Ok....Naruto is the adult, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, She is a side character but she is a QUEEN, She is now self aware, She is self aware, Shisui suggested said hugs, Uchiha Fugaku is trying his best, Uchiha Mikoto gets a wake up call, We all need a Shisui in our lives, but collapses in a heap of depresso, gimme gimme, help him, looks to his left and sees Hiruzen, oh no, oh well.., politics-no-jutsu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:08:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrFather/pseuds/MrFather
Summary: Not everything can be solved with the words "Sorry", "Next time", "It gets better".Sometimes the scars left are too much to bear and sooner or later when the opportunity to make it all go away, for real, presents itself............Would you blame me for jumping in without a second thought?But it is because I have come to love and hate you that I do.It is my reward and my punishment.____________________________________________________________"Naruto, what are you thinking?""..........I was dreaming. A dream in warm and cold.""Oh."
Relationships: Everbody/therapy(pending), Uchiha Itachi/Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Shisui/Hatake Kakashi(platonic)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Jolt

JOLT

“ _And some will take the high road, I will go low_

_There's nothing left behind me, set fire to it all_

_The fury will fade and the images too_

_A world without you, that's what I need to do_ ”

He begs for mercy.

Always he submits, he never fights back lest their rage grow. The pain increases if he does, it lasts longer too.

He did once and from it he learned. A lesson borne from ignorance to the works of the world. His world.

He’s always on guard, he has to be or he won’t know what to prepare for and from who. So, he slightly raises his eyes from their position of staring at the ground, they flit around quickly before they go back to looking down.

_The mask seller doesn’t seem to be in a good mood. By the look of the mostly stocked shelves, he doesn’t seem to have sold much._

He is only **four** , a baby, and infa- no.

He is anything but that, he is a monster, a demon. Something that brings terror and anger to those who gaze upon him. He, unlike the other blessed, innocent, _lucky_ no

,

 ~~there is no luck, there is only fate, but is fate not a manifestation of luck itself or maybe ǫ̸͎͙͉̩̯̼͖͎̝̆͊̌̋̂̀͛͂͌̈́̉͘̕͠r̸̫̩̞̻͚̼̭̲̠͓̞̎͗̎̃͋̉̀̒͐͒̂͊̅̕͜͜ ̷̛͍͕̗̹̯̮͉̓̿̚m̶̞̳͙͐̎̅͌͑̓̌̃͗̕ą̵̧̟̰͔͍̦̯̗̝̝̱̿͛͌ͅȳ̵̨̼͉̲̺̬͙̙̳̊͆̉͊͜b̷̪̈́͗̈͆̽̍̒͂̄͝e̴̪̐͋̈́̋́̍͋͊͛͊̕̕̚͝ ̷̧̮̮̪͖̺͉̭͉͙̱̭̞̦̗̂́̎̾̈́̐͝͠l̴̘̤͉̺̰͈͙̘̫̱̩̭̒̿̈̓̆̓̆̽̚̚ų̷̯̰͙͉̙̝̣̯͕͍̹̺̓̈́̆̽̐͛̈̍̋̈́̾͘͜c̷̗͉̱̻̣͔̫k̴̛̛͇̲̯̗̙͕̤̼̐̒͊̈́̎͊͂̄̓̑͊̈́ ̶̹͈͚̻̥̈́͑́͑̐̓̀̃̏̽͒͑̕̕͝h̴̪͉̐ȩ̴̢̛̛̟̟̼̮̻͋͛͐͒̃̏͒̋̕l̸̨͕̦̳̯̳̫̮̗̔̑d̸̯̥̲̳̀̎̀̆͗̋́͆͋͂̉͆̌ ̶̧̬̟̭͇̙̬̫̹̟̰͚̌̎̎̋̈͊̚ņ̸̨̹̬͇̖͚͓͎͚̟̳̗̋̿̎͛͛͜͝o̴͚̬̠͖̠̣̦̖̤̓̊̏̒̽̐͝ ̸̧̫̥̤̺̯̞͙̜̳̅̀͐ͅr̵̗̈̑̈́͂̆͒̋͊͑̕͝ȩ̵̛̙̤̱͎͚̜̳̪̜͙̤̬͐̾̎͋̏ͅl̷̲̺͓̩̻̈́̅̉̓̊̂̕̚͜͜͠͝e̶͔͒̎͜v̴̫̲̝͙̖͑̿̋ă̵̡̦͝n̴̢̛̖̙̠͖̩̫̾̒͐̾͛͌̃̿̆͌͜ć̵̡̡͕͎͙̾̾̔̆͌̌̽̿͐̕͜͠ÿ̵̡͔̠̺̝͎̺̹͚̩̱̹͓́̈́̈́̍͊̃̚ ̴̧̙̼̲͉̖̇͑̌̊͑͗͜i̸̢̥̞̥̼̔̔́̅̉͠n̵̦͆͒̿̆̈́̌̚ ̴̨̪͇̪͍̩̰̟͇̫̣̻̽͌́̔̎̇͗̚͜͝͠͝͝͝͝͠ͅą̸͖͓͔͕̰̦̩̖͝ ̷̤̭̖̜͓̲̻̒̈́͊̚͜p̵̨̯̙̩̥͖̙͈̭̺̱̃̂͛͋͐̈́̾͌̍̓̈́͝r̸̺̠̤͓̮̼̺̯̹̭̱͍͑̌̉̌̈́̾̐̈́̕̚̚ę̵̧͓̻̜̘̌̈́̏́̽̎̓͂̑̚ͅḑ̵̗͎͕̪̳͙͙̞͛̈́̍͛̐̒̃͝͝͝͝͝ë̸̘́̓̔̓͆̽̀́t̵̹̏̓̔̂̆̊̈͘e̶͎̹̖̟̹͖͕͎̟͍͗ͅͅŗ̵̡̡̯̮̱̩͇̦̭̭̮͎͈͚̔̈́̾̈͗̃̋̔m̶̡̢̩͚̼͙̞̙̞̒̾͑̆͆̓̑͑̅̍̓̽ḯ̸̢̧̡̛̤̠̩̫̼̈̊̈́̄̆̽́̃͝ņ̷̙̺̫͔̪̞̭͇̯̿͆̇̏̓͒̂͜͝͝͝ë̶̛͕̮̳͕͈̣̻͓̗́̉̐̿̈́́̕̕ḍ̸̭̼̺̮̼̺̖̩͊͌͜ ̸̰̥̙̬̋̑̓̑̍̋̃͆̂͘͘ḑ̷̩̯̪̩̠͉̏̃͐̑͆̊e̶̝͖͓͚̾͑̎̏͜ͅș̸̦͆̓̅̆̓͑͊͆̑̇̎̾͘͠͝ţ̵̱̭̲̹̘̮̮̘̥͈̞̪̗̮̋́̍͊̏į̸̛̪͎̯̗̬͉̘̬̖̼̬̦͙͗̽̈͊̄̀͘n̵̦̟̥͇͈̤̈́̽̂͝ͅȳ̵̛͉̣̼̲͉̳̻̺̝̘͚̦͚̤̿̿̓͌̊͋̑̃̈̀̆͜͝ ̷̘̿f̵̢̛̥̳̬̼̣̤̼̪̮̩͇͉̺͔́̾͒̊̃͌̈́̕͝͠o̸̢͕̰̦̻̠̭͎̜̩̟͌̊̕r̶̢̛̮͇̺͈̥͓̖̩̟͗̅̋͆͒̋͌̕͜͝ ̷̡̡̧͙̗̟̞̖͓̘̖͓̐͜͝ä̷̢̡̧̤͉͕̥͔͙̤͖̐͋̒̏̅̽̃͒̈́̔̓͝ ̴̤̯̙̓m̴̧̛͖̦͓͙̝̹̻͇̼͍̾̌̓̽͗̐͆̆͘̚͜ͅo̴̡̝͙͚̩̼̖͈̦͙̝̳̔͂̋̓̊͜ͅǹ̴͖̳̞͎̝͖̠͖̂͂̍ş̸̡̗̪͓͕̗͆̍̄̋̈̚̚̚͜t̶̢̧͕̹̤̻̹̻͙̖̲͔̖̲́̃͌̂͐͛̍̈́͘̚͘̕͜͝͝ě̷̗̤͙̦̺̬̋̂̕͝ͅr̵̡̢̛͓͚̒̌̔̑̈́͆̌͒̓̒ ̶̥͚̹̯̈̃͌̍̌̓̚̕͠l̸͓͒̒̇̈͋̐̈̈́̑̃̚͠͝͝į̵̡̡̠̼͇̺͈̗̝͉́͜k̷̨̛͎̯͉̺̬͉̲̥͈͋͌̾͑̎͊̀ȩ̸̬͖̩̌͒̔͊̅̂̐̓͑̒̔̃̌͐͝ ̶̡̼̻̣̼̼̮̮̙̱͑̊̿̌ḩ̶̯͉̹̳͉̌̏̆̏̾̽͒ḯ̵̗͉̫̺͗̈̒͂͘͜m̵̲̻̤̘̭̦̫̳͖̠̤̤͕̰͎̈́̈́͗̄̆̍.̸̗̥̞̣̭̣̥͔̈́̃̉͌͗̇̚?~~ ,

he had no such right to call himself anything short of a smear on humanity. He learned this _maxim_ through the baker’s daughter who had been using them to say very mean things about her mother to her friend. She had noticed him and slapped him for eavesdropping.

He hadn’t meant to.

Today as he walks away his breath quickens and his body trembles. Tonight, he knows won’t be a good night. He tries to remember if he has bandages or any salve left over from Miss Momo (桃), the Oiran* of the yūkaku** located in the red district. Despite what everyone said about the ladies, Naruto finds he actually likes them. They never say mean things to him, never leave him feeling pain, but miss Momo is his favourite. Miss Momo who sings to him sometimes and tells him stories. Miss Momo who taught him to speak words proper in her spare time. Miss Momo, who cannot do much to save him but reaches out as much as she can to ease his hurt. Miss Momo who is a ~~sister~~ , ~~mother~~ , ~~family~~ , ~~friend~~ , an incredibly kind woman. He does not know what he is allowed to call her in relation to him, he does not want to lose her, but he knows that she holds a very dear place in his heart.

He is home and checks the crooked cupboard and finds he has at least enough for bruises but not enough bandages for things like cuts and bleeding. Maybe if he scrounges what little coinsc he has left he can buy some from Miss Momo’s first aid kit.

His body was so easily hurt, but just as it was easy to hurt his body just as easily healed. He is nothing more than a little orphan, alone and with his enthusiasm for life eroding like the walls of his seedy apartment.

He is nothing more than a little orphan but already he knows how to endure the pain. How much subtlety is needed to twist his body and minimize the damage, then the hurt isn’t so bad.

Bloody and battered, what little he had eaten, a glass of day-old expired milk and a cup of instant ramen, now regurgitated and a foul-smelling smear on the ground.

“Because you were standing right in front of my shop, **_I_** couldn’t sell anything!! **_I_** lost good money today! How are you going to compensate **_me_**!?! You can’t you piece of crap!!” the shop keeper screams at him, foot raised ready to swing down.

_I_

_Me_

_My_

_I_

_Mememememememememememememe_

_*Crunch*_

_*Crack*_

He almost let out a squeak and cry of pain, instead he bit his lip and brought his hands up to clutch his nose.

It was broken.

“Damn demon. You don’t got a thing going for you and you try to drag others into the cesspool of your wretched life!”

Life? This was a life? Is this what he is going to live like for the rest of forever? When he grows old and wrinkly like lord Third? The thought makes him cry harder. It is silent but he cries and it feels as though he is screaming. Screaming and no sound to be heard anywhere.

Not that there would be anyone to hear it anyway.

He is five when things seem to change. When things seem to change for the better.

He is summoned by lord Third. He heads up, he used to look forward to when the orphanage matron would bring him here.

He had been three. ~~A mere infant~~. The matron was not the kindest and she treated him with tentative gentleness, but gentleness nonetheless.

He remembered that day. When they reached the office, there was always the greeting of a question rather than a greeting of consideration.

“How are you feeling?’

“Ok,” came the meek and automatic reply. He no longer bother the Hokage with the story of the bullies, or him being lonely or sometimes really sad.

_“ You have to try"_

Then come more questions with no real interest and the matron receives the monthly stipend for his care.

From the Hokage there were half smiles but more than that there was human contact, a pat on the head, a hand on the shoulder, a cradle of his cheek. Soft touches that didn’t leave bruises.

All that ended sometime later. As young as he was, he should have realized that they were becoming less and less each month.

Less and less and then,

they stopped.

He waited and waited for those gentle touches to come.

He still waits.

_” So part of me wants you to fade_

_Wherever you used to be_

_And now I won't remember”_

He is sitting on a chair right outside the Hokage’s office.

His hands are folded together on his lap and he looks straight ahead.

It is early November and thusly very cold outside, so Naruto takes great comfort in the warmth inside the building. His apartment has no such insulation of any kind nor does he own a heater, he has no money to spare for that.

_Of course Hiruzen would never tell him that Minato and Kushina had a will, as every well prepared and sensible ninja does in which they have left a hefty amount of money for their descendant(s) and “[]…..should we, fall in the line of duty or otherwise, be it simultaneously or in succession leaving our progeny with out guardian we, Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina relinquish custody to The honorable Toad Sage and student to our Great lord Third Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen, Jiraiya- no surname given, should the aforementioned person in question refuse, no longer be within the borders of Konoha, any and all case of MIA and /or should they have departed from this world and their body bereft of life then by mutual agreement and further cemented by contract we, Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina leave our progeny in the full joint custody of the honorable head of Uchiha clan, Uchiha Fugaku and spouse, the honorable Lady of Uchiha, Uchiha Mikoto….[]”_

_If he did, he’d have to explain where it came from and ensure it the council that he was not sponsoring the jinchuriki to curry favor and a sense of individual loyalty._

Ten minutes go by and he waits still. Another space of time trickles away and as he turns to look yet again at the office doors, suddenly his view is obscured by a person. He looks up, slowly, it is a man. He was an old man with a cane, he had black, shaggy hair, and his right eye was bandaged, maybe an injury from a mission or the war. He remembered his matron talking about it with the older children. She caught him once listening from behind a shelf at the back of the room, she had said nothing but spoke louder and kept concise enunciation and even explained in easier and more detailed manner.

“How long ago did the Hokage call you child?” the man spoke, his voice deep and gravely and laced with something unknown. What was that? It wasn’t anger or disdain but

Realizing the man was talking to him, Naruto straightened up and cleared his throat.

“um, a w-while.”

“That is not the answer I want. Exactly how long ago were you summoned?”

Naruto felt his pulse quicken and his fear rise. Time?

“I-I…*gasp* I’m sorry,” he managed to say as he felt himself struggle for air, his throat seemed to close up, his vision blurred and his body felt cold. No matter how warm the hall had been previously, he was cold and shivering.

“Idunno *gasp* h-how totelltime!!” his face heat up in shame, he feels dizzy. The matron had taught them once, but he can’t remember. These days he seems to forget a lot of things. He can’t feel the tears fall and he’s shaking.

shakingshakingshakingshakingshakingshakingshakingshaking

A hand, firmly pressed between the nook connecting his neck and shoulder brings him out of his thoughts.

It’s warm.

warmwarmwarmwarmwarmwarmwarmwarm

“Breathe child. Cease your quailing. Breathe.”

The gravelly voice of the bandaged old man carries with a tone of firm authority.

Through watery eyes Naruto looks up at the man, as afraid as he is to see the look on his face, he steels himself and resolutely stares at the man.

It is what he did not find that finally let him regain his breathe, a deep much needed breathe that left him with a violent coughing fit. A large sense of confusion washed over him.

There is no anger. There is no disgust, like he is yucky, no lip turned halfway up, there is nothing.

He thinks Lady Momo once called that **indifference**.

The man’s large and steady hand rubbed circles on his back and even after he finally managed to stop coughing his hand remained. A moment of silence was allowed before the man began to speak.

“Boy, tell me your name.”

 _Demon_.

“My name? Um, my name is N-Naruto? I think tha’s my name.”

_His voice was unsteady, he notices._

_Curious, but not unexpected. Disappointing, maybe._

**_Liar!_ **

_Fox brat, monster, abomination, unspeakable, creature, that thing…….._

“Hmmm…..”

“Tell me, why are you not sure of your name? Everyone has a name, one they are called by their family, friends, and acquaintances. My name is Danzo Shimura and I am proud of it. So why are _you_ unsure of your name?”

“‘Cause no one but the ‘Kage calls me Naruto….

and sometimes, he don’t call me that at all.”

Danzo, is by no means a kind man. He may have once been naïve and foolhardy, believing in Hiruzen’s _Will of Fire_.

__

__

_ “Hey Danzo, look!” _

_ “Hey Danzo! Do you think you can spar with me today? Hiruzen’s got a clan meeting today he has to attend as heir, Koharu and Homura are out on an errand for Tobirama-sensei and Torifu is sick. You’re really good at **Wind Release** and you’re better at avoiding and dispelling my genjutsu than the others, which isn’t an easy feat, so I was hoping you’d help me improve.” _

_ A sigh and a small smile to his **f r i e n d.** _

_ “Okay Kag-“ _

__

__

__

But he has grown and opened his eye to what is the true way of the shinobi. A silent and ever-present persona of strength and dependence, of diligence and victory, of power and prestige, all present but left unsaid.

“So, you are not sure of your name, and therefore not sure of who you are.”

Naruto understood not a damn thing. 

What is so important about names? He sees the other children always calling out to each other with names and _nicknames_ but they don’t seem to do much. Isn’t that just a thing people do?

Naruto has never really been _people_ , so it shouldn’t matter but,

**It hurts.**

A glimmer shone in Danzo’s eyes, seeing this child, this blank canvas of greys mull over his response in silent confusion and diligence to meet to the assumed expectation of understanding.

“Well what do you say to learning? You said you did not know to tell time, what do you say to learning about time and the many things that are essential to this world?”

“Please. I want to know. I want to learn.”

A tiny mirthful smile shown on the man’s face.

“Well, then. Let me introduce you to the ones who will be your _friends_ from tomorrow onwards.”

“Friends? I can have those?”

“Well of course. They live together, train together, and fight and live for this village together. What else would you call that?"

"Family."

_Togetherness and gentle touches._

_Regime and order._

He supposed that could work in his favor.

“Would you be willing to become part of a bigger family. They have a way of doing things, as all families do. Some families are easy going with no repercussion but that causes the bloom of ignorance and weakness. Other families have rules and a measure system of reward and levels of reprimand. Do you understand?

He did not. But he also did not want to lose this man, who gave him head pats and smiles and explanations that no one lese would give him. He did not want to be thrown in to the hands that caused pain and left bruises and scars.

He did not understand, but for the moment, he did not care.

"Lord Danzo, where is your home?"

"My home, eh?

hmmm,"he deliberated for a while "Rather than that, wouldn't you rather go to where _your_ home could be? Amongst family? I think I may know where you came from and why. What you can do so you no longer have to fear you weakness. You know nothing, but with me, you can learn

e v e r y t h i n g."

Naruto felt his throat tighten and his stomach drop, a place where he came from? He came from somewhere? Where? WHERE? WHY? HOW?

With thi9s man he could learn that and more! 

He promises strength and knowledge and a place to call home.

He promises purpose.

He promises an explaination.

He promises warmth.

And maybe that may be what led to his death.

You are a fool, to lay your trust unto someone who cannot even come to trust their own heart.

A fool to see the signs and yet dismiss them entirely because you are busy being blinded by their light. 

A fool,

to not mind any of it at all.

**Author's Note:**

> SONG: Artist – Unlike Pluto
> 
> Song title – JOLT
> 
> By the way, I in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM condone the way Danzo brought Naruto out of his panic attack. I have only ever experienced the less severe anxiety attack. Panic attacks are a sudden fear or discomfort accompanied by other physical and mental symptoms like racing heartbeat, nausea, or shortness of breath. Anxiety attacks, on the other hand, often comes in reaction to a stressor. (https://www.pinkvilla.com/lifestyle/health-fitness) so yeah. I wrote it from my experiences and let me say they are not fun. I am always a numb shaking mess afterwards, unable to properly function. Like anything can happen and chances are that I won’t care. I won’t be thinking clearly, I know because I can never remember with accuracy whatsoever about what was going on through my mind at the time.
> 
> Writing this chapter…..
> 
> This was not how this was going to turn out, I had it all written in a notebook. But NOW somehow Danzo was present, Hiruzen(the bastard) is yeeting himself out and Naruto is suffering in a way I hadn’t intended and mending in a way I HAD NOT INTENDED and my dear Kakashi is unawares and about to hurt in a way I DID NOT INTEND AND I AM SCARED!!!
> 
> But I am writing it anyway.
> 
> YOU HEAR ME DANZO, YOU CLUSTERF*CK!!! GAAH!!   
> I am frustrated with this man; he is a pain in the butt to write and a headache to get into the mentality of.
> 
> * Oiran - The oiran were considered a type of yūjo (遊女) "woman of pleasure" or prostitute. They were entertainers highly trained in the traditional arts, and had a greater degree of choice in who their customers would be unlike yūjo, low ranking prostitutes.
> 
> ** Yūkaku - The regions in Japan where brothels recognized by the government were situated, meaning prostitution was legal only in the Yūkaku region.
> 
> Image References
> 
> So I received permission from the artist, upn-the-sky, to use their rendition of this bastard, ahem, Danzo Shimura and it is this version of him which I will use as my visual for this. There’s few Danzo fanart that are not troll that I’ve seen so far soooo, yeah a bit younger Danzo in appearance because despite his character I refuse to believe he wouldn't find a way to use chakra to keep himself young and spry for "keeping yourself combat ready".
> 
> https://upn-the-sky.tumblr.com/post/172997562115/they-were-accomplices-even-before-the-second


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